3 Steps to Manage Your Anger
Being angry does not make you a bad person. Nor is anger a character flaw. Anger is an emotion, just like joy and love. Furthermore, anger needs its time and place to be seen and heard. When anger gets stuffed down, it doesn’t go away. It waits and builds, only to come out in worse ways at even worse times. One way or another, anger will make its presence known, whether we like it or not. The goal here is not to get rid of anger completely, that’s impossible, but to learn how to allow ourselves to feel and process anger without letting it take control of our words and actions.
Step 1:
To first manage anger, you must allow yourself to feel anger. When you feel yourself getting angry, think to yourself, “I am getting angry” or “I feel angry” and sit with it for a moment before doing anything. This is what we call Name it to Tame it. By naming what we are feeling, we are staying in control of thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Step 2:
Next, take a step back from whatever situation is making you angry. This could mean physically getting up and briefly stepping away, or temporarily shifting your mind onto something else. Some ways to shift your mind away from what is making you angry include- singing a song in your head, and reminiscing on a favorite memory, visualizing fun plans you have coming up.
Step 3:
Once the initial wave of anger has subsided, it is time to relax the body. When we are angry, our muscles tense up and our breathing becomes shallow. In this step, you will unclench your jaw, drop/relax your shoulders, and squeeze your fists for 5 seconds, then release. Next, you are going to breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for a beat, then release for 8 seconds (do this for about a minute or until you feel relaxed). Now that you are in a relaxed state and in control, you can proceed mindfully and thoughtfully.
time to practice
These exercises are easy to comprehend right now, but when we are in an elevated emotional state, it is hard to remember and be motivated to apply these steps. Here’s how we’re gonna practice. Think in your head or write down a common situation that makes you angry, and imagine that situation is occurring right now. Really lean into it and feel the anger. Then start from step 1, Name it to Tame it. Tell yourself “I feel/am angry”. Then physically walk somewhere else and think about something, anything else. Lastly, go through the muscle relaxation and breathing techniques. Do this for every situation that makes you angry on a daily basis so that when the situation does occur, you will be prepared and in control.
