The Truth About Men's Mental Health

2026 seems to be the year of men telling other men that they shouldn't, and aren't allowed to, have feelings.

The message is familiar: Your role as a man is to provide. Go to work, make money, take care of your family, and get the job done. Don't talk about your emotions. Don't show weakness. And don't expect to be emotionally present for your partner or your kids when they're struggling, either. Just shut up, provide, and that's it.

The irony? Some of the men preaching this message are the very men who struggle the most with emotional regulation.

I won't name names, but we all know the type. Men who are constantly angry, quick to explode, and reliant on more vices than they can count. They believe that because they don't cry, openly express sadness, or admit when they're hurting, they've somehow transcended the human experience of feeling emotions. They call themselves strong, disciplined, or even alpha males because they believe they can get the job done without letting emotions get in the way.

But here's the truth: You don't become emotionless by refusing to acknowledge your emotions.

You still experience frustration, fear, sadness, disappointment, loneliness, and hurt. You just might express those feelings differently. Maybe sadness comes out as anger. Maybe insecurity shows up as arrogance. Maybe emotional pain gets buried beneath work, the gym, alcohol, or an endless pursuit of success. Maybe vulnerability feels so uncomfortable that you convince yourself you don't need it in the first place.

Whatever the case, not crying doesn't mean you aren't hurting. Not talking about your emotions doesn't mean they aren't affecting you. And being able to function, work, and provide doesn't necessarily mean you're doing well emotionally.

I'm not the biggest fan of Freud's work, but one idea associated with psychoanalytic theory remains relevant: What we push out of conscious awareness doesn't necessarily stop affecting us.

When we repeatedly avoid difficult emotions instead of processing them, those feelings can influence our behavior, relationships, and decisions in ways we don't always recognize.

Think about the man who insists he isn't angry but snaps at his family over minor inconveniences. The man who says he doesn't care what anyone thinks but becomes defensive whenever his competence is questioned. Or the man who prides himself on being independent but struggles to let anyone get close enough to know him.

Sometimes, the behaviors we criticize in ourselves are connected to emotions we haven't learned how to understand. And sometimes, the habits that helped us survive difficult experiences earlier in life become the very things that hold us back as adults.

Emotional suppression doesn't always look like someone silently suffering. Sometimes, it looks like irritability, perfectionism, overworking, avoidance, or an inability to communicate with the people we love.

And if we never stop to ask ourselves why, we can spend years repeating the same patterns without understanding where they come from.

Your body may be telling you something

When I think about emotional suppression, I'm reminded of psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk's work on trauma and the mind-body connection, particularly the idea captured in the title of his book, The Body Keeps the Score.

Our emotional experiences don't exist in isolation from our physical experiences. Chronic stress can affect sleep, muscle tension, energy, and other aspects of our health. For some people, prolonged stress also contributes to physical symptoms that deserve attention.

Consider the man who lives in a constant state of tension. He struggles to relax, becomes frustrated easily, and rarely feels at peace. He tells himself that this is simply what being a man requires. He keeps working, keeps pushing, and keeps ignoring what he's experiencing because slowing down feels like falling behind.

Eventually, he may begin to wonder why he feels exhausted, why he can't switch off, or why the smallest inconvenience seems to set him off.

Of course, physical health problems have many possible causes, and emotional suppression isn't the explanation for every illness or symptom. We shouldn't assume that acknowledging painful emotions will cure a physical condition.

But we should recognize that our mental and physical well-being are connected, and that persistent stress and emotional difficulties deserve attention rather than dismissal.

You can be physically strong and still be emotionally exhausted. You can be successful and still be struggling. You can provide for everyone around you and still need someone to show up for you.

Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

Real strength means learning how to feel

I want to be clear about something: I'm not suggesting that men should abandon responsibility, stop pursuing their goals, or allow every emotion to dictate their behavior.

Quite the opposite.

Emotional awareness can help us become more intentional in how we respond to life's challenges. It allows us to recognize when we're frustrated before taking it out on someone else. It helps us communicate our needs instead of expecting others to read our minds. It gives us the opportunity to understand why certain situations affect us so deeply and decide how we want to respond.

There is a difference between feeling anger and acting aggressively. There is a difference between experiencing fear and allowing fear to make every decision. And there is a difference between acknowledging sadness and allowing sadness to define your entire identity.

The goal isn't to let your emotions control you. It's to develop the ability to understand them without being controlled by them.

And that takes work.

It takes courage to admit that something hurt you. It takes humility to recognize that your behavior is affecting the people you love. It takes discipline to sit with an uncomfortable feeling instead of immediately distracting yourself from it. And it takes strength to ask for help when you need it.

None of those things make you less of a man.

If anything, they give you a better chance of becoming the kind of man you actually want to be.

The men in your life need you to be emotionally present

Think about the example you're setting for your children.

If your son grows up watching you suppress every difficult emotion, he may learn that vulnerability is something to be ashamed of. If your daughter watches you dismiss your partner's emotions, she may begin to believe that emotional connection is something she shouldn't expect from the men in her life.

Of course, children learn from many people and experiences, and no parent is perfect. But the way we respond to our own emotions can help shape what our children learn about theirs.

You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to be perfectly composed all the time. And you certainly don't have to turn every difficult moment into a deep conversation.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is acknowledge that you're frustrated, take a moment to collect yourself, and communicate instead of lashing out.

Sometimes, it's listening to your partner without immediately trying to fix the problem.

Sometimes, it's telling your child that you made a mistake and taking responsibility for it.

These moments teach something far more valuable than emotional suppression ever could: that you can experience difficult feelings without allowing them to dictate how you treat others.

Your family doesn't need you to be emotionless. They need you to be present.

Feeling is part of healing

Many men have spent years learning how to push through pain. Some grew up in homes where emotions were dismissed. Others were taught that vulnerability invited ridicule or that their worth depended on how much they could accomplish, earn, or endure.

For those men, emotional suppression may have started as a way to fit in, stay safe, or get through difficult circumstances. It may have served a purpose at one point in their lives.

But just because a coping strategy helped you in the past doesn't mean it has to define your future.

You can learn to recognize your emotions. You can understand the experiences that shaped your beliefs about yourself and the world. You can develop healthier ways to manage stress, communicate with the people you love, and respond to situations that once felt overwhelming.

And you don't have to figure it all out alone. Whether through honest conversations with trusted people, personal reflection, or working with a therapist, there are ways to begin doing that work.

You don't have to choose between being a strong man and being an emotionally healthy man.

You can be ambitious and vulnerable. You can be disciplined and compassionate. You can provide for your family and allow your family to support you. You can take responsibility for your life while acknowledging that some parts of it have been painful.

The goal isn't to become a man who never feels anything.

It's to become a man who understands what he feels, knows how to respond to it, and doesn't make the people around him pay the price for what he refuses to acknowledge.

Because real strength isn't about proving that nothing hurts you.

It's about learning what to do when something does.

And sometimes, the first step toward healing is simply giving yourself permission to feel.